"Xyl0c41n3" (i-am-xyl0c41n3)
05/11/2016 at 01:15 • Filed to: Xyl0 for president
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"Xyl0c41n3" (i-am-xyl0c41n3)
05/11/2016 at 01:15 • Filed to: Xyl0 for president | 9
| 41 |
Combining two themes in one, because that’s the Texan way.
Obviously, there were no photos of the Battle of the Alamo because photography was just barely becoming a thing in the U.S. back in 1836, so the battle recreation below will have to suffice:
That day, ladies and gents, was what would fuel the Texians’ rage and provide the impetus needed to defeat Santa Anna at the Battle of Jacinto just over a month later. We won the revolution and have proudly been the Republic of Texas ever since (yes, even today, Texas is the greatest country in North America).
Which brings me to the second reason for this post:
I, Xyl0, am announcing my candidacy for Oppo president. I’m not late to the game, because a Texan is never late. A Texan always arrives precisely when they mean to.
Why vote for me? Because Texas, that’s why.
We here in the Lone Star State are fiercely independent. We have miles of road with 85mph speed limits that are perfect for hooning. We have COTA.
Many of the Jalopnik staff (former and present) come from this great state of mine, including Hardibird, Stef and Kat.
A vote for Xyl0 is a vote for freedom. It’s a vote for no emissions testing. It’s a vote for cheap fuel prices and wide open roads. It’s a vote for tacos (which are WAY better than burritos. My opponent HondaBruh is just wrong about burritos). It’s a vote for big sky country and for scenes like this greeting you every spring:
Vote for Xyl0 and remember the Alamo!
Also, enjoy this photo of the Texas State Capitol I shot:
Vote for Xyl0! :)
Edited to add:
My running mate is my cat Enzo. He’s an Oppocat — how perfect is that?!
Peter Black, SV Wrangler is my Minister of Transportation. Two wheels good for everyone with a vote for Xyl0.
Finally, DrJohannVegas will be my Secretary of State.
Once again, I thank you for your vote and all hail our cat overlords, I mean, please say hello to our next Vice President, Enzo!
Mercedes Streeter
> Xyl0c41n3
05/10/2016 at 12:37 |
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Can I be the VP of the Xylo campaign? I promise Trans-Ams for everyone, proper driver education, and uh...Chicago Deep Dish Pizza?
Also, the White House totally needs more pink, I’d get right to that. lol
SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
> Mercedes Streeter
05/10/2016 at 12:41 |
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Chicago pizza? You mean cheese bread?
BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest.
> Mercedes Streeter
05/10/2016 at 12:43 |
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I was all for you being the VP until you said Chicago Deep Dish “Pizza”.
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SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
> BmanUltima's car still hasn't been fixed yet, he'll get on it tomorrow, honest.
05/10/2016 at 12:48 |
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There are only two types of pizza. Cheese and pepperoni. If you can eat it without folding, they failed at making it.
Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
> Mercedes Streeter
05/10/2016 at 12:50 |
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Mmmmm deep dish pizza
StingrayJake
> Xyl0c41n3
05/10/2016 at 12:59 |
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Under Xylo, we shall retake our original borders, stretching to the headwaters of the Rio Grande. Colorado, we’re coming for you.
Party_in_the_USA
> Xyl0c41n3
05/10/2016 at 13:02 |
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How many tacos will there be?
Any amount less than infinity loses my vote
Your boy, BJR
> Xyl0c41n3
05/10/2016 at 13:14 |
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I ALREADY WON, COME BACK IN 2020
RallyWrench
> Xyl0c41n3
05/10/2016 at 13:56 |
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I respectfully disagree on burritos.
Leon711
> Xyl0c41n3
05/10/2016 at 13:58 |
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All this talk of Presidency makes me think we should make you fine folks part of the Empire again. The queen can be the head of the oppo state.
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Xyl0c41n3
> Leon711
05/10/2016 at 14:27 |
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Texas takes a knee for no person, no matter how highly they revere their blood.
I doubt you’ll find any Americans that enjoy the idea of being ruled by a monarch, either. It’s literally contrary to everything we believe in.
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Xyl0c41n3
> RallyWrench
05/10/2016 at 14:28 |
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I recognize your right to be wrong. ^_^
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Leon711
> Xyl0c41n3
05/10/2016 at 14:30 |
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When Trump wins you’ll be begging for the warm embrace of Lizzy.
gmporschenut also a fan of hondas
> Leon711
05/10/2016 at 20:49 |
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thats great
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Xyl0c41n3
> Leon711
05/10/2016 at 22:01 |
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Not likely.
TheHondaBro
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 01:19 |
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The Queen may be a monarch, but the royal family hasn’t had any actual power for hundreds of years. They’re just there for tradition upkeeping.
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Xyl0c41n3
> TheHondaBro
05/11/2016 at 01:20 |
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It's still required that you bow to her. I bow to no one.
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TheHondaBro
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 01:24 |
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You will bow to burritos.
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Xyl0c41n3
> TheHondaBro
05/11/2016 at 01:31 |
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Tacos reign supreme.
I am Latina, hear me roar.
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TheHondaBro
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 01:33 |
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No. No. And no.
Burritos.
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Xyl0c41n3
> TheHondaBro
05/11/2016 at 01:41 |
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Yes, yes, and omg yes!
RAWR!
Tacos.
gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 01:54 |
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Sure. Can votes for Shiny things. Still no idea why votes at all...
Also I emailed you last night. Did not get response. :( My handle at gmail.
CRider
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 02:02 |
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derf
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 02:15 |
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I had a burrito for lunch that had mango bits in. It was surprisingly delicious.
If Enzo is going to be VP, he needs some form of cat sunglasses and an “Il Commendatore” nametag. Also, some racecars.
PS9
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 02:33 |
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Sorry Xyl0, but its going to be a long time before we let someone from Texas move to the oval office again.
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derf
> TheHondaBro
05/11/2016 at 02:36 |
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Not entirely true - strictly speaking the Queen can dismiss the Prime Minister and ask someone else to form a government, or dissolve Parliament entirely forcing a general election. In practice, that’s only done when the Prime Minister loses the confidence of the House of Commons. In Australia back in the ‘70s, a sitting government was dismissed (by the Governor General that Prime Minister had appointed no less) because of a big parliamentary mess I won’t go in to, and it caused a huge stink. Not all that long ago, the GG of Canada allowed our previous Prime Minister to prorogue (suspend) Parliament in order to duck a non-confidence vote that would have brought the government down. In that case, I think the GG of the time failed in her responsibility, and I could rant at some length about it, but I’ve already rambled quite far enough off topic.
tl,dr: The Queen (or the GG, her representative) makes sure the Prime Minister actually has the support of the majority of the elected representatives, or he gets fired.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Texas-ing. STEAK! TACOS! COTA!
LongbowMkII
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 08:22 |
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There’s no wrong answer when it comes to tacos or burritos.
As a red blooded American, I ask “Why not both?” And “Can we get this in buffet form?”
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LongbowMkII
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 08:23 |
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Texas pretty quickly took a knee to the United States when you ran out of money.
#notevensorry
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LongbowMkII
> StingrayJake
05/11/2016 at 08:25 |
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Even the Oklahoma panhandle?
Ew.
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LongbowMkII
> Mercedes Streeter
05/11/2016 at 08:26 |
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Why can’t it be Cis-Ams? Huh?
I’m sick of this cis-oppression on Oppo.
/s
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Mercedes Streeter
> LongbowMkII
05/11/2016 at 08:45 |
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Joe Biden disapproves xD
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Xyl0c41n3
> LongbowMkII
05/11/2016 at 08:49 |
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That wasn’t taking a knee, that was forming a strategic partnership. Now, Texas boasts one of the nation’s biggest economies. We have low unemployment, a rainy day fund in the billions of dollars, low cost of living, our own power grid, a multitude of industries that cause people to move here from other states in droves, and our general badassery.
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StingrayJake
> LongbowMkII
05/11/2016 at 09:14 |
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We’ll build a wall around the Oklahoma Panhandle.
DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 09:16 |
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I would like to point out that I would make one hell of a Secretary of Defense under a Xyl0 administration.
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LongbowMkII
> CRider
05/11/2016 at 09:21 |
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Now I'm hungry
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Xyl0c41n3
> DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully
05/11/2016 at 09:38 |
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Done! Welcome, son of Crockett.
Stef Schrader
> LongbowMkII
05/11/2016 at 16:14 |
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Why not both!
Why not both!
Why not both!
(I’m going to have a burrito for lunch, I think. Tomorrow: PCA lunch. I see three different kinds of molten cheese on the menu, so there must be tortillas in that.)
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Stef Schrader
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 16:15 |
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KITTEH!!!
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Stef Schrader
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 16:16 |
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Yeeeeah, that whole financially supporting a monarchy thing anyway seems pretty lame. Tradition, schmadition. Y’all need anarchy, and queso.
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Xyl0c41n3
> gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee
05/11/2016 at 21:23 |
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Yo! I replied day-of and sent the invite. I just tried it again and emailed again. Did you get them?
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gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee
> Xyl0c41n3
05/11/2016 at 21:29 |
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Yes! Totally got spam filtered... but found them with more persistence!